Terrible advice, don't take it

be less Raygun

I missed Australia’s breaking (or break dancing) offering at the Olympics yesterday, by Dr Rachel Gunn, 36, aka Raygun. Here she is busting a signature move, dressed like she’s going for her shift at the Co-op.

Getty Images

Zoom in on the judges’ faces. She scored no points and obviously she has gone viral overnight, with lots of people saying that the whole thing reminded them of a pre-teen inventing a crap dance routine and then forcing their family to sit down and watch it.

I’ve been laughing about this hysterically all morning. I also feel a bit sorry for her. I guess if you get a chance to participate in the Olympics, you take it, but yeesh.

To me what this all smacks of is terrible advice, either from herself or from other people, or just absorbed by osmosis. There is so much terrible advice floating about - online is rammed with platitudinous, ‘inspirational’ or motivational quotes that make their way into people’s heads and then become apparently sincerely held beliefs. I think it’s because people, particularly young people, feel more and more anxious and so need more and more reassurance. But it’s not helpful to give reassurance that is complete nonsense. Raygun (RAYGUN!)’s performance is the embodiment of lots of that advice. For e.g.:

Never give up. No, do. Knowing when to give up is a brilliant life skill - it’s what keeps you from stagnating in place. If you’re bad at something, or if is killing your soul to stay put, and if giving up is viable, then give up! Of course give up! Ditto bad relationships, ditto trying to grow lavender in December, ditto breakdancing at the Olympics when you’re crap at it. Give up! Stop wasting your time! There are always alternative paths - ones that might even make you happy. The sibling of that platitude is winners never quit. Wrong again. They quit all the time. That’s what makes them find the thing they win at.

Be yourself. Well, yes, obviously, of course be yourself most of the time. But also no, don’t always ‘be yourself’. If you never have anything nice to say, be someone else. If you’re never pleased when something good happens to somebody, hide it. If your natural state is sourness, conceal it (none of these things are really anyone’s natural states, so maybe also consider getting help with whatever’s eating you up. Often it’s to do with not feeling heard).

Not being yourself saves you from saying ‘Your baby pictures are unbelievably boring,’ or ‘I can’t stand cats so I’m not finding it cute’. See also never apologise for being you. Personally I would apologise for the cat/baby remarks.

You are magic. Yeah, you’re not. There will be aspects of you that are indeed absolutely and perhaps even uniquely wondrous. But no, you are not magic. You do not have power over the universe - the universe has power over you. I am quite woo, so I think it may sometimes be possible for the two of you to work together. Wishing is fine, but you have to back it up with action. (In my experience, the only people who think they’re magic are extreme narcissists).

You get back what you put in. True of soup, less true of humans. Some people get a feast without having put much in at all, some people devote a lifetime to gathering the finest ingredients and still end up with gruel. Also, life works better if you put in the stuff because you want to, not in expectation of untold rewards.

You’re never too old. Sometimes, you really are. For example, I am too old to routinely address people as bruh (which pains me) or to twerk (which does not). Just because you can do it doesn’t mean you have to, as I used to tell my children when they had burping competitions, and as I would have told Raygun if I was her mum.

Nothing is impossible if you want it badly enough Loads of things are impossible. It is a kindness to help people not waste years of their precious life chasing them.

When they go low, we go high Sounds nice, is rubbish advice. When they go low, we go lower, right into the gutter if needs be. Or we laugh at them - that might work too. But if someone’s about to punch us in the face - literally or figuratively - we don’t recite an improving poem at them.

There’s no such thing as failure. There very much is. But the silver lining is that you can usually learn from it.

Be fearless. In times of crisis human beings are wired for two responses, fight and flight. It’s really important to be able to tell the difference. There’s nothing wrong with fear, or caution, or thinking ‘I could fearlessly do this, but then I’d lose my job/wife/driving licence/self-respect’.

Don’t stop when you’re tired, stop when you’re done. Are you a robot? If not, have a rest. A refreshing siesta helps with everything, including focus and clarity.

I don’t chase, I attract (or any version that suggests powerful charisma is enough). This might be true in a sexual context if you are unbelievably hot - though I would find someone who thought like this powerfully un-hot - but it is an absolute disaster anywhere else. Chase stuff. Have ambitions. Go after things. Don’t just sit there going:

I am enough There are circumstances in which I believe in this one. For someone with low self-esteem, or someone broken by life, to come to this realisation is a massive win. But for some ploddy person to sit there on their bottom all self-satisfied because they are enough is merely comical.

Respect, don’t judge Or do judge sometimes. For example, I judge the racists who have been rioting and terrifying brown and black people in British cities for over a week (until this happened). They’re all being sentenced to jail time now. They have been judged. By some actual judges. 👍🏽

Everything happens for a reason Missing out on the shoes you wanted in the sale, maybe. Someone being hit by a truck, no. It is enormously comforting to believe that the world is not random - I get it. But also, nobody could accuse the world of being shy about its randomness.

It’s all good No. Sometimes it’s all bad beyond belief and endurance, and being in denial about it isn’t going to help you heal.

Age is just a number I mean, so’s your bank balance. I understand the sentiment, but the number kind of matters. You’re as old as you feel can be true mentally, but is not true physiologically or biologically. (A thing that really weirds me out about people who have had a lot of cosmetic work is that they look a slightly peculiar version of 45 but are still the full 67 on the inside).

Family is everything Ideally, yes. But it very much depends on the family.

You got this. Sometimes you do got this, but sometimes you don’t, in which case it is super unhelpful to tell yourself you do. See Raygun.

The best is yet to come. Very possibly, and hurrah for that, but what if the best is right now and you’re missing it because you’re waiting for the better best that might or might not turn up in the future?

Have a wonderful Saturday. No food column tomorrow (thank you so much for the kind comments yesterday re. taking a weekend off!) but I’ll be back next week.